some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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