she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
