If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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