I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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