You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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