when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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