Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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