It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
