I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
