Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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