somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
