I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
