Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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