it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
