I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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