omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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