I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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