Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
