just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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