I looked at my own cervix.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
