Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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