If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
