I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
