your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how do flat chested girls get laid?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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