I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
