I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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