Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
