I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
whose parrot is this?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
