I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
