grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
