you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
