How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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