I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
