if you like me you must not know who I am
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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