He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
