Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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