You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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