I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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