How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
