I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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