you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
