We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize