I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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