I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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