if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
