Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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