Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
