well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
