i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
