Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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