Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
