In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
