Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The air was thick with penises
I need a burrito and a hug.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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