If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
