I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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