I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
