he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
