Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize