guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
