Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You dont lie about slip and slides
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
