He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
