I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
