I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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