girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
