I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
