Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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