please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
