So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
