she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
