Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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