Will you blow on my dice?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
