I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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