you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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