is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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