Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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