I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
