Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
