I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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