thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
