The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
