Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
