i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
