so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
