Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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